Have you ever been in a relationship where you either had a disagreement with your partner or found out they did something to hurt your feelings? This is a common situation most couples find themselves in as we all know relationships are a work in progress and no matter how much love is present, things happen. In most cases we talk about the situation, however, because we do love the person we're with, we forgive them (depending on what they did) and continue forward.
But do we really forget what happened? The mistake we make is when we talk about what happened, we never work "through" the incident. Most of us say we forgive but there's a seed planted somewhere in our minds not necessarily intentionally, but it's there because we never came to an amicable conclusion so there's still doubt in our minds. The seed stays there because we failed to detach ourselves completely from the problem. We say we understand and forgive when we truly didn't get a clear understanding from one another. The doubt that created the situation lingers unresolved and we attempt to move forward anyway.
This is where we have to go back to communication, that essential element that keeps love going. It shouldn't matter how long it takes to get to the bottom of why whatever happened took place. Most times the guilty party will hold back the truth trying to preserve the feelings of their partner when in all actuality you're only making it worse. Then the person who's supposed to be understanding still has questions about what happened but for some unforeseen reason, still won't ask failing to get clarity.
That leaves room for issues because the next time something happens or you get mad, the old comes up and there's a snowball effect. Again, you have to work through the issue no matter how small. Never go to bed upset, never make your partner feel as though you're fine when in all actuality you're not. That could be another argument in itself because one of you thought the other was fine, now you're bringing up old stuff.
Work through your issues with an impartial state of mind. Find out why things occurred the way they did. We never want to believe this but perhaps it was something you did or failed to do, remember for every action is a reaction! Take responsibility for yours and fertilize your relationship with communication.
Doc!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Meet Me In My Dreams
This was me taking a shot a poetry writing a letter to Love himself, enjoy...
Here I am again, dreaming… wondering,…
You're out there I feel you.
My heart beats with excitement each time it thinks about you.
Where are you?
I feel your presence yet your face it still a mystery. I go to bed each night lonely,
Waiting for the moment to hold you, to caress you and feel your soft lips pressed against mine.
Meet me in my dreams I pray, as I clutch my pillow tightly
I wish I may… I wish I might… meet you in my dreams tonight
As I rest my lonely soul another day comes to an end without you
Me wondering who you are, where you are
I manage to let out a gentle sigh, I smile, close my eyes real tight
And make love to you all night long,
Meet me in my dreams
Love, wherever you are, whoever you are, until we meet…I love you.
Here I am again, dreaming… wondering,…
You're out there I feel you.
My heart beats with excitement each time it thinks about you.
Where are you?
I feel your presence yet your face it still a mystery. I go to bed each night lonely,
Waiting for the moment to hold you, to caress you and feel your soft lips pressed against mine.
Meet me in my dreams I pray, as I clutch my pillow tightly
I wish I may… I wish I might… meet you in my dreams tonight
As I rest my lonely soul another day comes to an end without you
Me wondering who you are, where you are
I manage to let out a gentle sigh, I smile, close my eyes real tight
And make love to you all night long,
Meet me in my dreams
Love, wherever you are, whoever you are, until we meet…I love you.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The Almighty Cell Phone
It's about 2 in the afternoon, Sabrina, Larry's wife showed up at his office for a surprise late lunch. Larry's cool with it so they get in his truck and head out. While driving down the road his cell phone goes off, Sabrina doesn't see it but he gets nervous as hell and was pissed at himself for forgetting to turn his ringer off. Apprehensively he takes the phone off his hip and sure enough, it's Tracy calling. He's cool though, watch this…
Larry: this is Larry
Tracy: Hey baby
Larry: (as he squeezes a glance at Sabrina, he can see her looking at him) Hey Bro, what's up?
Tracy: Oh she must be with you?
Larry: Yeah man, I left that information back in the office but when my wife and I are done with lunch I will call you and go over it.
Tracy: (knowing the game plays along) Okay Daddy, call me when you're free…she hangs up.
Larry: (ensuring he leaves no clue that it was his side piece continues the conversation... alone) okay bro, yeah I can do that too. (pause) Naw man we'll have all of it together by then. What time is the meeting? (pauses again as if he's getting an answer) Okay then, I'll catch you after lunch.
Real time… this is about how it goes ladies and if you're attentive enough you can catch him as he's lying. Speaking from experience, when that phone rings and it's someone it shouldn't be, a brother gets nervous as hell and tries hard not to show it. But wait! Don’t get it twisted, check this out…
April and Eric are lying in bed when all of a sudden April's phone starts to vibrate from her purse. WTH? Who's calling you at 1130 at night? Taking her time as to get to the phone hoping the vibrating would stop (doesn't it seem like that phone rings forever when it's not supposed to LOL!) she finally answers it. She's nervous as hell 'cause it's Michael, her maintenance man but watch this:
April: um hello
Michael: hey baby can you talk?
April: I'm sorry who?
Michael: okay I get it, I was thinking I'd get your voicemail and wanted to leave a message. I'm sorry baby hope you're not in trouble.
April: its okay sir, the last digit you dialed was off by 1 (she hangs up and as she's storing the phone simultaneously turns her ringer off)
Now when she gets back in bed fellas, if you're attentive enough you will notice a change. Her heart is probably beating a little faster than normal as she tries to regain her composure…that was a close call and she's wondering if the volume on the ear piece wasn’t too high and her husband heard the conversation.
Real Time… The guarding of the cell phone is just another part of all the extra, hard work you have to put in that makes cheating not worth the effort. The crazy thing is…why in the hell would a mug that's a self proclaimed playa/ playette, want a phone anyway. Think about it, most folks that get caught cheating do so behind that damn cell phone.
Here’s another puzzling situation. Why is it that when you're at home your mates phone never seems to ring. However, the minute the two of you are apart you get, "Hold on my mom's calling the other line" or it's my job, or Eric or Sue…you get my drift. Maybe the ringer just doesn't like to work when you're around.
See, I'm just calling it like it is, folks that are out there doing this get mad because they know what I say is true.
Why is it that he could be on the other side of the house but if his cell phone rings you'd swear he was on a starting block and the pistol went off for the 50 yard dash the way he ran to answer it. I mean, he'll come running out of the shower Johnson just swinging and all, trying to beat you to the phone. Or better yet, what's with the phone always being on lock? WTH? Like someone in the house is gonna get it and make some weird phone calls or something. I can only think of one reason for that…you aren't supposed to see what's going on.
That brings me to my last sign of BS. He/she leaves the phone sitting free for your inspection but damn it looks like there wasn't a call made all day. All incoming and outgoing calls are gone…things that make you go, “Hmmm!”
All I'm saying is that it's just not worth it folks, if it's that bad at home then do like that song says, pack your bags and get the hell on. Stop doing this to you and your partner, somebody's gonna get hurt. Having to worry each time your phone rings because you told so and so not to call and they did, is too much and it's just not worth it.
Do you deem it necessary to have to keep your phone locked even while you’re at home? Keeping in mind things are totally different when you're single and or just dating. Your phone is your business, if you're not committed and decide you want to snoop in your "friends" cell phone, aside from breaking their privacy, be prepared to get what you're looking for.
Luv Doc!
Larry: this is Larry
Tracy: Hey baby
Larry: (as he squeezes a glance at Sabrina, he can see her looking at him) Hey Bro, what's up?
Tracy: Oh she must be with you?
Larry: Yeah man, I left that information back in the office but when my wife and I are done with lunch I will call you and go over it.
Tracy: (knowing the game plays along) Okay Daddy, call me when you're free…she hangs up.
Larry: (ensuring he leaves no clue that it was his side piece continues the conversation... alone) okay bro, yeah I can do that too. (pause) Naw man we'll have all of it together by then. What time is the meeting? (pauses again as if he's getting an answer) Okay then, I'll catch you after lunch.
Real time… this is about how it goes ladies and if you're attentive enough you can catch him as he's lying. Speaking from experience, when that phone rings and it's someone it shouldn't be, a brother gets nervous as hell and tries hard not to show it. But wait! Don’t get it twisted, check this out…
April and Eric are lying in bed when all of a sudden April's phone starts to vibrate from her purse. WTH? Who's calling you at 1130 at night? Taking her time as to get to the phone hoping the vibrating would stop (doesn't it seem like that phone rings forever when it's not supposed to LOL!) she finally answers it. She's nervous as hell 'cause it's Michael, her maintenance man but watch this:
April: um hello
Michael: hey baby can you talk?
April: I'm sorry who?
Michael: okay I get it, I was thinking I'd get your voicemail and wanted to leave a message. I'm sorry baby hope you're not in trouble.
April: its okay sir, the last digit you dialed was off by 1 (she hangs up and as she's storing the phone simultaneously turns her ringer off)
Now when she gets back in bed fellas, if you're attentive enough you will notice a change. Her heart is probably beating a little faster than normal as she tries to regain her composure…that was a close call and she's wondering if the volume on the ear piece wasn’t too high and her husband heard the conversation.
Real Time… The guarding of the cell phone is just another part of all the extra, hard work you have to put in that makes cheating not worth the effort. The crazy thing is…why in the hell would a mug that's a self proclaimed playa/ playette, want a phone anyway. Think about it, most folks that get caught cheating do so behind that damn cell phone.
Here’s another puzzling situation. Why is it that when you're at home your mates phone never seems to ring. However, the minute the two of you are apart you get, "Hold on my mom's calling the other line" or it's my job, or Eric or Sue…you get my drift. Maybe the ringer just doesn't like to work when you're around.
See, I'm just calling it like it is, folks that are out there doing this get mad because they know what I say is true.
Why is it that he could be on the other side of the house but if his cell phone rings you'd swear he was on a starting block and the pistol went off for the 50 yard dash the way he ran to answer it. I mean, he'll come running out of the shower Johnson just swinging and all, trying to beat you to the phone. Or better yet, what's with the phone always being on lock? WTH? Like someone in the house is gonna get it and make some weird phone calls or something. I can only think of one reason for that…you aren't supposed to see what's going on.
That brings me to my last sign of BS. He/she leaves the phone sitting free for your inspection but damn it looks like there wasn't a call made all day. All incoming and outgoing calls are gone…things that make you go, “Hmmm!”
All I'm saying is that it's just not worth it folks, if it's that bad at home then do like that song says, pack your bags and get the hell on. Stop doing this to you and your partner, somebody's gonna get hurt. Having to worry each time your phone rings because you told so and so not to call and they did, is too much and it's just not worth it.
Do you deem it necessary to have to keep your phone locked even while you’re at home? Keeping in mind things are totally different when you're single and or just dating. Your phone is your business, if you're not committed and decide you want to snoop in your "friends" cell phone, aside from breaking their privacy, be prepared to get what you're looking for.
Luv Doc!
Monday, January 18, 2010
A Little Too Late
Most of my friends know that Brian McKnight is my favorite artist, there’s just something about his music and his choice of lyrics that reels me in. My boss and I were traveling between clients and this song comes on, “A Little Too Late”, immediately she says I like that song but just not the words. There are many times I like a song but the words don’t apply to my life so I don’t give the lyrics much thought I just enjoy the song for what it is. However, when the words do apply to you its more of an emotional experience; be it good or bad.
This song took me back to when I told my wife I wanted a divorce. Even as I type this I can feel the sentiment she expressed over the phone when she finally told me what I wanted to hear, feel and know for so many years. She said, “I love you Robert”. People often say it’s never too late but there can be a time when there is such a moment. When you want something for so long you become used to not getting it from the desired source, you may not be seeking it elsewhere but you know one thing for sure…it’s not coming from the place you need. It always seems as though when you’re finally fed up, the other party wants to wake up and do or say what you want. The problem is, is it really true or are they simply giving you lip service?
Don’t be that person in the relationship that ASSumes your partner knows how much you love them. You can’t take for granted that the person you’re with will always be there. We all have our own way of feeling loved and it should be your purpose to find out what it is that makes your partner feel loved and supply them with all they can stand. Too many times we make the mistake of letting our pride interfere with our emotions or as men feeling like just because we’re a man we can’t express ourselves. For that I say this, anything you “won’t” do someone else is willing to”. Don’t let someone else cherish your jewels.
If forever is what you want let it be known. I told a very close relative of mine just yesterday these very words… when you feel like you want to walk out of the door without telling your spouse you love them, catch yourself and don’t just tell them you love them but open your heart and add a hug and kiss to that…I dare you! People need to stop thinking that love is so much better on the other side and this other person is the real deal. Remember, when you meet someone initially they will always tell you what you want to hear. Just keep in mind that each relationship comes with its own unique set of problems and through love and communication; building a solid foundation based on trust and honesty, you can make a mountain out of a mole hill and overcome any obstacle that stands in your way.
Give them your love…Tell them you’re right where you want to be….Cherish the love the two of you have…Before they are gone!!! Don’t be the one living with regret.
Luv Doc!!
This song took me back to when I told my wife I wanted a divorce. Even as I type this I can feel the sentiment she expressed over the phone when she finally told me what I wanted to hear, feel and know for so many years. She said, “I love you Robert”. People often say it’s never too late but there can be a time when there is such a moment. When you want something for so long you become used to not getting it from the desired source, you may not be seeking it elsewhere but you know one thing for sure…it’s not coming from the place you need. It always seems as though when you’re finally fed up, the other party wants to wake up and do or say what you want. The problem is, is it really true or are they simply giving you lip service?
Don’t be that person in the relationship that ASSumes your partner knows how much you love them. You can’t take for granted that the person you’re with will always be there. We all have our own way of feeling loved and it should be your purpose to find out what it is that makes your partner feel loved and supply them with all they can stand. Too many times we make the mistake of letting our pride interfere with our emotions or as men feeling like just because we’re a man we can’t express ourselves. For that I say this, anything you “won’t” do someone else is willing to”. Don’t let someone else cherish your jewels.
If forever is what you want let it be known. I told a very close relative of mine just yesterday these very words… when you feel like you want to walk out of the door without telling your spouse you love them, catch yourself and don’t just tell them you love them but open your heart and add a hug and kiss to that…I dare you! People need to stop thinking that love is so much better on the other side and this other person is the real deal. Remember, when you meet someone initially they will always tell you what you want to hear. Just keep in mind that each relationship comes with its own unique set of problems and through love and communication; building a solid foundation based on trust and honesty, you can make a mountain out of a mole hill and overcome any obstacle that stands in your way.
Give them your love…Tell them you’re right where you want to be….Cherish the love the two of you have…Before they are gone!!! Don’t be the one living with regret.
Luv Doc!!
Friday, January 15, 2010
What Happened To The Romance?
I recently had dinner with a group of friends; one of the couples had been married some 20 years. I sat in admiration starring at them thinking this would have made 19 years of marriage for me had I done like some couples and fought through the obstacles created by lack of communication. They were such a beautiful couple, both pushing their mid-forties but one glance and you'd never know it. I'd have to give him his props he's a very good looking brother favoring what's his face um…Boris Kodjoe whatever his name is, I'm sure you ladies know who I’m referring to. She's on the other hand, is a very beautiful lady and when I say this it goes beyond her nearly flawless looks but her heart is pure and beauty exudes from the depths of her soul.
I enjoyed our evening and knowing I had to be seated in a meeting by 8 the following morning, I found myself lost in time (thank goodness my boss was there). During our dinner we had great conversation, the music was great, ambiance was as if we were on a vacation of some sort. We discussed a few things and during the conversation the much like the Incredible Hulk, "Luv Doc" came out.
We discussed compliments to our mate well, the lack of. The conversation somehow covered the way women end up cheating. They almost never go looking for it fellas. Typically it's because we failed to acknowledge the new hair style or dress she's leaving the house in. The things she’s trying to do to make you recognize her other than when you feel it’s time to get busy but make no mistake about it, that colleague of hers will surely make up for your shortfall and with pleasure smother her with compliments for you.
It’s been weighing heavily on my heart today the thought of how we so easily become complacent and take for granted that our spouse (partner) will always be there. What about an occasional date? When was the last time you gave flowers just because? When was the last time you told that person just how much you love and appreciate them?
My thoughts aren't directly correlated with my new friends however our topic of discussion did leave me deep in thought. For me I'm the guy that sends flowers to her office most times for no reason at all other than I'm showing my love and or just to make her girlfriends envious of her knowing she's got a man at home that loves the hell out of her. Not just flowers from the corner store either, but flowers with thought, flowers given with love…they make a huge difference.
Fellas as a man there’s absolutely nothing wrong with cooking dinner a couple of nights a week, having her bath ready after she comes home from a hard day of work....candles lit with a nice glass of wine. Meeting her at the door, taking her shoes off, hanging up her coat and massaging her feet I mean she's only been on them all day. And hey, if it’s just you and her, relax her at the door before you pamper her (if you know what I mean). I’m not saying this just to make it sound good but these are things that I've done and I have to tell you, I think I enjoy pampering the woman in my life more than she does receiving the affection.
It's hard to believe that men can get home before their wives yet they wait for her to come through the door with the kids because he didn't get them, groceries, dry cleaning and everything else and won't even attempt to start doing as much as warming some soup. Again....where is the romance? This is why so many men go to bed wondering why she has a headache and he couldn’t get any. She had to come home after a hard day in the office to have to slave over a hot stove, play mommy, clean, iron and we do nothing but get in bed full from the meal she's slaved over trying to feel her up because we want some. Fellas be advised that foreplay starts well before the bedroom. Try giving some assistance with the kids, dinner…the closeness in the kitchen can create anticipation. Most importantly ask her about her day! When you do so be sure to listen and interject in QUALITY conversation. The last thing you want to do is not pay attention and give the wrong reply. Don't ask her how her day was only to tune her out because the game is on.
I started writing this with full intentions of covering both sides of the spectrum being fully aware that you ladies become complacent too. Unfortunately men tend to take things for granted more so than ladies and they really need to read this. If needed ladies, print it out and give it to your man or that man you know who needs it. Ray Parker junior said it best back in the 80’s in a song… " A woman needs love just like you do....she can fool around just like you do. So don't kid yourself into thinking that won't" if you don't know that song you may want to go to YouTube and give it a listen. If you care about your relationship think about it and see what you can do to bring back the excitement. It's not always about the expensive gifts, understand that it's the little things that seem to be remembered first. Make that person feel special; learn to speak their "Love Language" more so learn to perfect the love you give.
Luv Doc
I enjoyed our evening and knowing I had to be seated in a meeting by 8 the following morning, I found myself lost in time (thank goodness my boss was there). During our dinner we had great conversation, the music was great, ambiance was as if we were on a vacation of some sort. We discussed a few things and during the conversation the much like the Incredible Hulk, "Luv Doc" came out.
We discussed compliments to our mate well, the lack of. The conversation somehow covered the way women end up cheating. They almost never go looking for it fellas. Typically it's because we failed to acknowledge the new hair style or dress she's leaving the house in. The things she’s trying to do to make you recognize her other than when you feel it’s time to get busy but make no mistake about it, that colleague of hers will surely make up for your shortfall and with pleasure smother her with compliments for you.
It’s been weighing heavily on my heart today the thought of how we so easily become complacent and take for granted that our spouse (partner) will always be there. What about an occasional date? When was the last time you gave flowers just because? When was the last time you told that person just how much you love and appreciate them?
My thoughts aren't directly correlated with my new friends however our topic of discussion did leave me deep in thought. For me I'm the guy that sends flowers to her office most times for no reason at all other than I'm showing my love and or just to make her girlfriends envious of her knowing she's got a man at home that loves the hell out of her. Not just flowers from the corner store either, but flowers with thought, flowers given with love…they make a huge difference.
Fellas as a man there’s absolutely nothing wrong with cooking dinner a couple of nights a week, having her bath ready after she comes home from a hard day of work....candles lit with a nice glass of wine. Meeting her at the door, taking her shoes off, hanging up her coat and massaging her feet I mean she's only been on them all day. And hey, if it’s just you and her, relax her at the door before you pamper her (if you know what I mean). I’m not saying this just to make it sound good but these are things that I've done and I have to tell you, I think I enjoy pampering the woman in my life more than she does receiving the affection.
It's hard to believe that men can get home before their wives yet they wait for her to come through the door with the kids because he didn't get them, groceries, dry cleaning and everything else and won't even attempt to start doing as much as warming some soup. Again....where is the romance? This is why so many men go to bed wondering why she has a headache and he couldn’t get any. She had to come home after a hard day in the office to have to slave over a hot stove, play mommy, clean, iron and we do nothing but get in bed full from the meal she's slaved over trying to feel her up because we want some. Fellas be advised that foreplay starts well before the bedroom. Try giving some assistance with the kids, dinner…the closeness in the kitchen can create anticipation. Most importantly ask her about her day! When you do so be sure to listen and interject in QUALITY conversation. The last thing you want to do is not pay attention and give the wrong reply. Don't ask her how her day was only to tune her out because the game is on.
I started writing this with full intentions of covering both sides of the spectrum being fully aware that you ladies become complacent too. Unfortunately men tend to take things for granted more so than ladies and they really need to read this. If needed ladies, print it out and give it to your man or that man you know who needs it. Ray Parker junior said it best back in the 80’s in a song… " A woman needs love just like you do....she can fool around just like you do. So don't kid yourself into thinking that won't" if you don't know that song you may want to go to YouTube and give it a listen. If you care about your relationship think about it and see what you can do to bring back the excitement. It's not always about the expensive gifts, understand that it's the little things that seem to be remembered first. Make that person feel special; learn to speak their "Love Language" more so learn to perfect the love you give.
Luv Doc
Monday, December 21, 2009
Do I Stay Or Do I Go?
Ending a relationship is never an easy thing to do. When you truly love someone the last thing in the world you do is consider yourself living without them. How do you heal from the pain? How do you not think of that person with every move you make? The good times, the bad times, future plans…it’s all gone. You think of going back, you even miss the very thing that you hated about that person now that they’re gone. One thing for certain is that distance truly does make the heart grow fonder. Having that isolated time to evaluate your relationship brings to mind that old saying, “Hindsight is 20/20” I say this because it’s when that person is no longer a part of your life that you sit and evaluate yourself. The things you could have said or done differently.
Now it’s time to move forward. You can’t sit back and beat yourself up now that it’s over. The thought of going back to the relationship permeates in your mind but before you just go back you have to give it some careful thought and think about what brought the relationship to its demise. Ask yourself if you truly gave your all and most importantly understand why you want to go back. If it’s because you don’t want to be alone that’s not a viable reason. If it’s because you truly love them and realize that they are the air you breath then there may be something worth fighting for. If there was a lot of fighting and arguing going on you may not want to just get back together because after the “I was missing the hell out of you” phase is over, you end up back in turmoil and are ready to leave again.
If you’re considering going back I recommend taking it slow. That means you have to start dating again. Remember, the relationship didn’t instantly get into a state is disarray so things aren’t going to instantly be mended especially without some type of intervention. Try seeing a relationship counselor to discuss the reason(s) why you decided to end your relationship. This will help the two of you determine if its even worth trying again. If you can’t breech the obstacle you stumbled on before the breakup then there’s no use of even trying. The dating phase is crucial at this point because 99% of the time a certain level of trust has been violated on one or both ends and has to be reestablished. Don’t rush to be intimate avoiding the real issues…sex can be blinding.
No on the other hand if you know for a fact that you don’t want to or shouldn’t go back then you have to leave well enough alone. You can’t say let’s make love this one last time. Understand that the last time was the last time! We’ve all ended a relationship at some point in time and have been through the pain. Time is the only medicine that will heal your broken heart. Don’t go out on a tangent and decide to soar your oats or decide to drink them away because after all the sex and after becoming sober… the pain will still be there.
When do you start dating again? That is completely up to you. If you feel that you’re able to start seeing other people without constantly thinking of or bringing up your ex then go for it. There’s no harm in seeing other people though you may feel guilty you have no reason to because you have been reinstated as single. I do however advice against walking into another relationship without first ensuring you’re completely over the last. It’s not fair to you or the person you’re getting involved with. The new person becomes a rebound love and later into the new relationship you could possibly end up having regret wondering if things could have worked out with the ex. This isn’t always the case, there are some people that are resilient enough to move on with love…my hat goes off to them. For those that aren’t able just ensure you give your heart enough time to heal so that you’ll be able to love and trust freely in your next relationship.
Lastly there is this thing called agape love, a pure mature kind of love. You have to understand that every…EVERY relationship has its own set of issues. People tend to run at the first sign of trouble and each time they do so they block their blessings. There isn’t a flawless relationship around but when you love someone unconditionally after the so called “honeymoon” stage has passed you have to look at the relationship for what it truly is and understand that what sits before you is the person you chose to fall in love with. They may snore, leave the towel on the floor, leave the toilet seat up, squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube; you name it. At which point you have a decision to make, you have to decide on things you can and cannot accept. You can’t change a person because at some point they will miss being who they are and problems will come about. If you can’t accept the person as they are flaws and all then you have to let go. But if you truly love that person unconditionally, agape love will not allow you to walk away.
Luv Doc!!
Now it’s time to move forward. You can’t sit back and beat yourself up now that it’s over. The thought of going back to the relationship permeates in your mind but before you just go back you have to give it some careful thought and think about what brought the relationship to its demise. Ask yourself if you truly gave your all and most importantly understand why you want to go back. If it’s because you don’t want to be alone that’s not a viable reason. If it’s because you truly love them and realize that they are the air you breath then there may be something worth fighting for. If there was a lot of fighting and arguing going on you may not want to just get back together because after the “I was missing the hell out of you” phase is over, you end up back in turmoil and are ready to leave again.
If you’re considering going back I recommend taking it slow. That means you have to start dating again. Remember, the relationship didn’t instantly get into a state is disarray so things aren’t going to instantly be mended especially without some type of intervention. Try seeing a relationship counselor to discuss the reason(s) why you decided to end your relationship. This will help the two of you determine if its even worth trying again. If you can’t breech the obstacle you stumbled on before the breakup then there’s no use of even trying. The dating phase is crucial at this point because 99% of the time a certain level of trust has been violated on one or both ends and has to be reestablished. Don’t rush to be intimate avoiding the real issues…sex can be blinding.
No on the other hand if you know for a fact that you don’t want to or shouldn’t go back then you have to leave well enough alone. You can’t say let’s make love this one last time. Understand that the last time was the last time! We’ve all ended a relationship at some point in time and have been through the pain. Time is the only medicine that will heal your broken heart. Don’t go out on a tangent and decide to soar your oats or decide to drink them away because after all the sex and after becoming sober… the pain will still be there.
When do you start dating again? That is completely up to you. If you feel that you’re able to start seeing other people without constantly thinking of or bringing up your ex then go for it. There’s no harm in seeing other people though you may feel guilty you have no reason to because you have been reinstated as single. I do however advice against walking into another relationship without first ensuring you’re completely over the last. It’s not fair to you or the person you’re getting involved with. The new person becomes a rebound love and later into the new relationship you could possibly end up having regret wondering if things could have worked out with the ex. This isn’t always the case, there are some people that are resilient enough to move on with love…my hat goes off to them. For those that aren’t able just ensure you give your heart enough time to heal so that you’ll be able to love and trust freely in your next relationship.
Lastly there is this thing called agape love, a pure mature kind of love. You have to understand that every…EVERY relationship has its own set of issues. People tend to run at the first sign of trouble and each time they do so they block their blessings. There isn’t a flawless relationship around but when you love someone unconditionally after the so called “honeymoon” stage has passed you have to look at the relationship for what it truly is and understand that what sits before you is the person you chose to fall in love with. They may snore, leave the towel on the floor, leave the toilet seat up, squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube; you name it. At which point you have a decision to make, you have to decide on things you can and cannot accept. You can’t change a person because at some point they will miss being who they are and problems will come about. If you can’t accept the person as they are flaws and all then you have to let go. But if you truly love that person unconditionally, agape love will not allow you to walk away.
Luv Doc!!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Think Before You Speak
In any relationship there’s a time of anger. A time that you get so pissed off that the things you’ve wanted to say…you just say them. Like the old truth serum alcohol, you don’t care what the other person may feel and to be honest, you want to cause a little “sting” to their heart out of anger. Ladies you do this to your man often some of you will attack his manhood by telling him how small he is and how he doesn’t satisfy you, or how much money he doesn’t make. Men like to tell women how no man will want them with children or how fat they are….in your moment of anger, is it worth the lifetime of pain?
What we need to understand is once you put it out there. Once you’ve uttered the very words you chose to stab into that person’s heart, they are there and no matter what you say you can’t take them back. Even in forgiveness the words will always linger in that persons mind waiting to surface at the first sign of a similar incident. Why say things we don’t really mean? If you meant what you said then, why say things you will later regret? If you no longer want to be in their life then leave! All the unnecessary roughness makes no sense.
Words are painful and cut like a knife yet, words can be pleasing to the heart and cause the greatest joy. What if we gave ourselves some time to cool off before we spoke? I know I’ve said some things in my past to hurt someone but in my latter years I’ve learned to be a thinker. If I’m angry or not sure how to respond to what I’ve been told or a feeling I’ve gotten from someone, I go into a contemplative state. I can recall when I was married how my ex would often mention divorce. I never did even though there were times I REALLY wanted to. I told her that if I ever did that I would mean it….13 years into our marriage I told her I wanted a divorce.
Should you find yourself in a heated state I suggest that you think before you speak. Even if you’re not angry but know you’re about to (as Mo would say) spew some evil…THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK! I’m sure as you sit here reading this that you’ve had a time in your life that someone has told you something that left a lasting effect on your heart be it good or bad. Admirable words tend to be used more in most relationships but it’s amazing how the negative statements made to a person seem to come to surface first. We seem to remember those hurtful things we’re told by people we love. In writing this I’m directing my thoughts to couples in a relationship but it’s in my heart to say this to us parents out there….use the same style when speaking to our children. Take it from me, the evil things you say to them will be forever stored in their memory banks.
So! Let’s Talk About It! Have you ever been on either end of the spectrum here? Has someone told you something out of anger that completely ripped at your very soul? How do you handle that? Where you able to move past it after they came back and apologized or did it haunt you throughout the remainder of your relationship? Better yet…were you the one who said things to hurt the one you love? How did you feel about it? Were they later able to come back and continue loving you with the same intensity or did you forever lose them?
Thanks for the Luv,
Doc
What we need to understand is once you put it out there. Once you’ve uttered the very words you chose to stab into that person’s heart, they are there and no matter what you say you can’t take them back. Even in forgiveness the words will always linger in that persons mind waiting to surface at the first sign of a similar incident. Why say things we don’t really mean? If you meant what you said then, why say things you will later regret? If you no longer want to be in their life then leave! All the unnecessary roughness makes no sense.
Words are painful and cut like a knife yet, words can be pleasing to the heart and cause the greatest joy. What if we gave ourselves some time to cool off before we spoke? I know I’ve said some things in my past to hurt someone but in my latter years I’ve learned to be a thinker. If I’m angry or not sure how to respond to what I’ve been told or a feeling I’ve gotten from someone, I go into a contemplative state. I can recall when I was married how my ex would often mention divorce. I never did even though there were times I REALLY wanted to. I told her that if I ever did that I would mean it….13 years into our marriage I told her I wanted a divorce.
Should you find yourself in a heated state I suggest that you think before you speak. Even if you’re not angry but know you’re about to (as Mo would say) spew some evil…THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK! I’m sure as you sit here reading this that you’ve had a time in your life that someone has told you something that left a lasting effect on your heart be it good or bad. Admirable words tend to be used more in most relationships but it’s amazing how the negative statements made to a person seem to come to surface first. We seem to remember those hurtful things we’re told by people we love. In writing this I’m directing my thoughts to couples in a relationship but it’s in my heart to say this to us parents out there….use the same style when speaking to our children. Take it from me, the evil things you say to them will be forever stored in their memory banks.
So! Let’s Talk About It! Have you ever been on either end of the spectrum here? Has someone told you something out of anger that completely ripped at your very soul? How do you handle that? Where you able to move past it after they came back and apologized or did it haunt you throughout the remainder of your relationship? Better yet…were you the one who said things to hurt the one you love? How did you feel about it? Were they later able to come back and continue loving you with the same intensity or did you forever lose them?
Thanks for the Luv,
Doc
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