Do I Stay Or Do I Go?

Ending a relationship is never an easy thing to do. When you truly love someone the last thing in the world you do is consider yourself living without them. How do you heal from the pain? How do you not think of that person with every move you make? The good times, the bad times, future plans…it’s all gone. You think of going back, you even miss the very thing that you hated about that person now that they’re gone. One thing for certain is that distance truly does make the heart grow fonder. Having that isolated time to evaluate your relationship brings to mind that old saying, “Hindsight is 20/20” I say this because it’s when that person is no longer a part of your life that you sit and evaluate yourself. The things you could have said or done differently.

Now it’s time to move forward. You can’t sit back and beat yourself up now that it’s over. The thought of going back to the relationship permeates in your mind but before you just go back you have to give it some careful thought and think about what brought the relationship to its demise. Ask yourself if you truly gave your all and most importantly understand why you want to go back. If it’s because you don’t want to be alone that’s not a viable reason. If it’s because you truly love them and realize that they are the air you breath then there may be something worth fighting for. If there was a lot of fighting and arguing going on you may not want to just get back together because after the “I was missing the hell out of you” phase is over, you end up back in turmoil and are ready to leave again.

If you’re considering going back I recommend taking it slow. That means you have to start dating again. Remember, the relationship didn’t instantly get into a state is disarray so things aren’t going to instantly be mended especially without some type of intervention. Try seeing a relationship counselor to discuss the reason(s) why you decided to end your relationship. This will help the two of you determine if its even worth trying again. If you can’t breech the obstacle you stumbled on before the breakup then there’s no use of even trying. The dating phase is crucial at this point because 99% of the time a certain level of trust has been violated on one or both ends and has to be reestablished. Don’t rush to be intimate avoiding the real issues…sex can be blinding.

No on the other hand if you know for a fact that you don’t want to or shouldn’t go back then you have to leave well enough alone. You can’t say let’s make love this one last time. Understand that the last time was the last time! We’ve all ended a relationship at some point in time and have been through the pain. Time is the only medicine that will heal your broken heart. Don’t go out on a tangent and decide to soar your oats or decide to drink them away because after all the sex and after becoming sober… the pain will still be there.

When do you start dating again? That is completely up to you. If you feel that you’re able to start seeing other people without constantly thinking of or bringing up your ex then go for it. There’s no harm in seeing other people though you may feel guilty you have no reason to because you have been reinstated as single. I do however advice against walking into another relationship without first ensuring you’re completely over the last. It’s not fair to you or the person you’re getting involved with. The new person becomes a rebound love and later into the new relationship you could possibly end up having regret wondering if things could have worked out with the ex. This isn’t always the case, there are some people that are resilient enough to move on with love…my hat goes off to them. For those that aren’t able just ensure you give your heart enough time to heal so that you’ll be able to love and trust freely in your next relationship.

Lastly there is this thing called agape love, a pure mature kind of love. You have to understand that every…EVERY relationship has its own set of issues. People tend to run at the first sign of trouble and each time they do so they block their blessings. There isn’t a flawless relationship around but when you love someone unconditionally after the so called “honeymoon” stage has passed you have to look at the relationship for what it truly is and understand that what sits before you is the person you chose to fall in love with. They may snore, leave the towel on the floor, leave the toilet seat up, squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube; you name it. At which point you have a decision to make, you have to decide on things you can and cannot accept. You can’t change a person because at some point they will miss being who they are and problems will come about. If you can’t accept the person as they are flaws and all then you have to let go. But if you truly love that person unconditionally, agape love will not allow you to walk away.

Luv Doc!!