In any relationship there’s a time of anger. A time that you get so pissed off that the things you’ve wanted to say…you just say them. Like the old truth serum alcohol, you don’t care what the other person may feel and to be honest, you want to cause a little “sting” to their heart out of anger. Ladies you do this to your man often some of you will attack his manhood by telling him how small he is and how he doesn’t satisfy you, or how much money he doesn’t make. Men like to tell women how no man will want them with children or how fat they are….in your moment of anger, is it worth the lifetime of pain?
What we need to understand is once you put it out there. Once you’ve uttered the very words you chose to stab into that person’s heart, they are there and no matter what you say you can’t take them back. Even in forgiveness the words will always linger in that persons mind waiting to surface at the first sign of a similar incident. Why say things we don’t really mean? If you meant what you said then, why say things you will later regret? If you no longer want to be in their life then leave! All the unnecessary roughness makes no sense.
Words are painful and cut like a knife yet, words can be pleasing to the heart and cause the greatest joy. What if we gave ourselves some time to cool off before we spoke? I know I’ve said some things in my past to hurt someone but in my latter years I’ve learned to be a thinker. If I’m angry or not sure how to respond to what I’ve been told or a feeling I’ve gotten from someone, I go into a contemplative state. I can recall when I was married how my ex would often mention divorce. I never did even though there were times I REALLY wanted to. I told her that if I ever did that I would mean it….13 years into our marriage I told her I wanted a divorce.
Should you find yourself in a heated state I suggest that you think before you speak. Even if you’re not angry but know you’re about to (as Mo would say) spew some evil…THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK! I’m sure as you sit here reading this that you’ve had a time in your life that someone has told you something that left a lasting effect on your heart be it good or bad. Admirable words tend to be used more in most relationships but it’s amazing how the negative statements made to a person seem to come to surface first. We seem to remember those hurtful things we’re told by people we love. In writing this I’m directing my thoughts to couples in a relationship but it’s in my heart to say this to us parents out there….use the same style when speaking to our children. Take it from me, the evil things you say to them will be forever stored in their memory banks.
So! Let’s Talk About It! Have you ever been on either end of the spectrum here? Has someone told you something out of anger that completely ripped at your very soul? How do you handle that? Where you able to move past it after they came back and apologized or did it haunt you throughout the remainder of your relationship? Better yet…were you the one who said things to hurt the one you love? How did you feel about it? Were they later able to come back and continue loving you with the same intensity or did you forever lose them?
Thanks for the Luv,
Doc
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Luv And Hygiene....What the &*^% Is That Smell?
You find this person attractive….beautiful, nice body, educated, lovely conversation, fun to be around never a dull moment. Then you realize there are some issues ……Oh… My… Damn! Did you smell that? How do you tell them? What do you tell them? This is some serious stuff though some of you may be laughing, it goes on every day.
Telling a person they have a hygienic malfunction can be difficult especially if you don’t know them that well. You even sit there and wonder how in the hell did that odor get past me? I did not smell that before, I know I didn’t! The crazy thing is that you really like this person but you haven’t the slightest clue just how to tell them. What if it’s not the body odor but it’s the way they live? You know, dirty house, garbage overflowing with no sign of being taken out. Clothes all over the place…sink loaded with dirty dishes. You finally get to the point where you’re visiting each other’s home regularly so now they don’t have the 2 days notice to get everything clean. You start to see the real person and realize that they aren’t as tidy as you thought. There are those that don’t think keeping the house in order is a problem but I can tell you from experience that if one person is doing all the cleaning they eventually get tired of it. And I’m not talking about the controlling man that thinks that’s the woman’s job only (that’s another blog because there is no “I” in team), but the person that makes the mess and leaves the mess. Hear me when I say it’s not always the man.
I’m a two shower a day person. There are those that take a shower at night, get up in the morning and go. I can’t function that way but in the same token, I wouldn’t necessarily call it quits if they didn’t but I surely would go into telling them about how we sweat at night LOL! (Subliminal messages) There are even folks that will wear clothes over and over again before washing them. I’m just saying…if you have deodorant marks on your shirt…the white streaks…you should probably wash it, the same for that food stain you spilled on it and thought you cleaned off with that napkin. Or the hair….ladies even though it’s weave and you don’t have to comb it daily that doesn’t exclude the washing there of! Folks, little problems become big ones so this is when from the start you have to really take notice of the things you are willing to accept and or live with about the person you choose to have in your life. You can’t wait until you are miles down the road and decide you want to go back and talk about the things that you were aware of from the start.
On FB one of my readers and good friend of mine wrote,… “You see on another note, the bible says a man should love his wife like he loves his own body. You can't take care if your body? You can't take care of me.”… I don’t typically throw in religion but if the Holy Spirit says so then perhaps it is so.
I could go on and on about this but I’d like to hear some of your stories on the subject so… Let’s Talk About It… How would you tell a person about their breath? Do you just do as another reader/friend of mine back home stated she’d do and blaze up on the first hint of hot garbage coming from this person’s breath?” Or would you instruct them on flossing their teeth removing that piece of chicken from last week’s meal that’s still lunged between two molars? How do you handle the situation when you get into the house and realize that you could possibly end up being the maid or butler? How do you tell a person about a lucid body odor? Which brings up another question…. How do that not smell that ish?
Thanks for the Luv,
Doc!!
Telling a person they have a hygienic malfunction can be difficult especially if you don’t know them that well. You even sit there and wonder how in the hell did that odor get past me? I did not smell that before, I know I didn’t! The crazy thing is that you really like this person but you haven’t the slightest clue just how to tell them. What if it’s not the body odor but it’s the way they live? You know, dirty house, garbage overflowing with no sign of being taken out. Clothes all over the place…sink loaded with dirty dishes. You finally get to the point where you’re visiting each other’s home regularly so now they don’t have the 2 days notice to get everything clean. You start to see the real person and realize that they aren’t as tidy as you thought. There are those that don’t think keeping the house in order is a problem but I can tell you from experience that if one person is doing all the cleaning they eventually get tired of it. And I’m not talking about the controlling man that thinks that’s the woman’s job only (that’s another blog because there is no “I” in team), but the person that makes the mess and leaves the mess. Hear me when I say it’s not always the man.
I’m a two shower a day person. There are those that take a shower at night, get up in the morning and go. I can’t function that way but in the same token, I wouldn’t necessarily call it quits if they didn’t but I surely would go into telling them about how we sweat at night LOL! (Subliminal messages) There are even folks that will wear clothes over and over again before washing them. I’m just saying…if you have deodorant marks on your shirt…the white streaks…you should probably wash it, the same for that food stain you spilled on it and thought you cleaned off with that napkin. Or the hair….ladies even though it’s weave and you don’t have to comb it daily that doesn’t exclude the washing there of! Folks, little problems become big ones so this is when from the start you have to really take notice of the things you are willing to accept and or live with about the person you choose to have in your life. You can’t wait until you are miles down the road and decide you want to go back and talk about the things that you were aware of from the start.
On FB one of my readers and good friend of mine wrote,… “You see on another note, the bible says a man should love his wife like he loves his own body. You can't take care if your body? You can't take care of me.”… I don’t typically throw in religion but if the Holy Spirit says so then perhaps it is so.
I could go on and on about this but I’d like to hear some of your stories on the subject so… Let’s Talk About It… How would you tell a person about their breath? Do you just do as another reader/friend of mine back home stated she’d do and blaze up on the first hint of hot garbage coming from this person’s breath?” Or would you instruct them on flossing their teeth removing that piece of chicken from last week’s meal that’s still lunged between two molars? How do you handle the situation when you get into the house and realize that you could possibly end up being the maid or butler? How do you tell a person about a lucid body odor? Which brings up another question…. How do that not smell that ish?
Thanks for the Luv,
Doc!!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
We Met At The Club...Now What?
As a result of a pilot talk show I did with Ayana Mack, local DJ here in Houston (www.ayanamack.com), I decided to blog about the topic of discussion. It was rather interesting with the panel of people we had and the differences of opinion. We were all over the place and ya’ll, I left there with a month’s worth of blogs to write so I’m just gonna get started.
You’re out with your friends and meet someone that you’re very attracted to…”physically”. The two of you manage to talk and of course there’s some mutual interest so you swap numbers. The lights come on and it’s time to go home, maybe you even locked lips before it was over which sent you over the top…..now what? What’s your next move? Do you go home with this man or do you go home and dream of him (you know what I mean).
Too often we go to clubs and encounter this situation. When you’re young you could find yourself going from bed to bed each weekend, each club you hit, being with a different person each weekend. Most men brag on this, unfortunately for men; we have this paradigm that the more women we’re with the better when in essence there needs to be a paradigm shift. The thought should be on the fewer women you’re with the more valuable you are to the woman you’ll spend the rest of your life with. But we tend to get caught up and realize what we’re doing much later in life. Women seem to have a change in thinking and have taken the role men have had for years and if they’re in the club feeling this guy and decided they want to go home with him they do. Are they in turn looked at as the more men they’re with the better? Of course not, that old double standard kicks in and the result is quite the opposite for the ladies that decide to go that route.
In most relationships the initial attraction is physical and rightfully so; I mean, we all want our piece of eye candy. There are those few times that people have met the love of their life in a club but it’s not that often. I don’t want to get into a debate about the type of people that club but for most men, we’re not going looking for love ladies. So do we rush home with this person? I would say it’s a bad idea. Think about it, when you get there at 2a.m. there isn’t much talking that’s going to take place. You end up rushing sex and it interferes with the relationship that you think you’re going to have. What do you truly know about this person? As Ayana stated, they could have a rap sheet as big as Texas. We all know about the “representative” people portray, everything you wanted to hear….you’re gonna hear. What do you do after the act?
If this person is someone of substance, there is no rush to jump in the bed. Personally I don’t believe there’s a time limit on when you should become intimate with a person but I do believe that there has to be something other than physical attraction there. I don’t see the harm in each of you going to your “own” home and spending a few hours on the phone talking in lieu of a few hours of intoxicated sex that you may regret the next day. What if you the sex was bad? If you got to know him first you could deal with that differently. Now this could be great guy is a loser because he couldn’t please you. Some of you may not be looking for love, you may just want a friend or someone to chill with? I can only say to you be careful and make wise decisions. Even in just having a friend there is still some learning of this person to be done. After all he will at some point come into your home. At some point in your life your views will change and you will learn to value you for whom you are and know that your body is a Temple. Remember we get out what we put into anything we do. In the end you can’t complain about how you were used or heartbroken when you enable someone to treat you in a certain way.
So let’s talk about it! How would you handle the situation? Would you go home with a man you just met in the club? Do you think you can find the love of your life in the club? How would you feel waking up next to a stranger (that’s what this person is)?
Thanks for the Luv,
Doc
You’re out with your friends and meet someone that you’re very attracted to…”physically”. The two of you manage to talk and of course there’s some mutual interest so you swap numbers. The lights come on and it’s time to go home, maybe you even locked lips before it was over which sent you over the top…..now what? What’s your next move? Do you go home with this man or do you go home and dream of him (you know what I mean).
Too often we go to clubs and encounter this situation. When you’re young you could find yourself going from bed to bed each weekend, each club you hit, being with a different person each weekend. Most men brag on this, unfortunately for men; we have this paradigm that the more women we’re with the better when in essence there needs to be a paradigm shift. The thought should be on the fewer women you’re with the more valuable you are to the woman you’ll spend the rest of your life with. But we tend to get caught up and realize what we’re doing much later in life. Women seem to have a change in thinking and have taken the role men have had for years and if they’re in the club feeling this guy and decided they want to go home with him they do. Are they in turn looked at as the more men they’re with the better? Of course not, that old double standard kicks in and the result is quite the opposite for the ladies that decide to go that route.
In most relationships the initial attraction is physical and rightfully so; I mean, we all want our piece of eye candy. There are those few times that people have met the love of their life in a club but it’s not that often. I don’t want to get into a debate about the type of people that club but for most men, we’re not going looking for love ladies. So do we rush home with this person? I would say it’s a bad idea. Think about it, when you get there at 2a.m. there isn’t much talking that’s going to take place. You end up rushing sex and it interferes with the relationship that you think you’re going to have. What do you truly know about this person? As Ayana stated, they could have a rap sheet as big as Texas. We all know about the “representative” people portray, everything you wanted to hear….you’re gonna hear. What do you do after the act?
If this person is someone of substance, there is no rush to jump in the bed. Personally I don’t believe there’s a time limit on when you should become intimate with a person but I do believe that there has to be something other than physical attraction there. I don’t see the harm in each of you going to your “own” home and spending a few hours on the phone talking in lieu of a few hours of intoxicated sex that you may regret the next day. What if you the sex was bad? If you got to know him first you could deal with that differently. Now this could be great guy is a loser because he couldn’t please you. Some of you may not be looking for love, you may just want a friend or someone to chill with? I can only say to you be careful and make wise decisions. Even in just having a friend there is still some learning of this person to be done. After all he will at some point come into your home. At some point in your life your views will change and you will learn to value you for whom you are and know that your body is a Temple. Remember we get out what we put into anything we do. In the end you can’t complain about how you were used or heartbroken when you enable someone to treat you in a certain way.
So let’s talk about it! How would you handle the situation? Would you go home with a man you just met in the club? Do you think you can find the love of your life in the club? How would you feel waking up next to a stranger (that’s what this person is)?
Thanks for the Luv,
Doc
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Slow Down Baby
Most of you know I write about things that are on my mind or situations and stories I encounter through friends. In talking to a close friend of mine JP, up in Atlanta yesterday, she asked me have I ever slept with someone that fcuked like a teenager. Funny because I was quickly able to answer yes, recalling a few years back and we got a laugh out of it as I shared the story. Instantly I told her this was surely something to write about. Wait a minute…Is he fcuking me? Well women aren’t the only ones entitled to posing the question. What comes to mind is the guy putting the girl in the “buck” (as we called it when we were kids), legs up in the air as if she’s signaling a touchdown; he’s pounding away… Bamn! Bamn! Bamn! The thing is, there are some women that actually enjoy that and quite frankly at some point it’s okay to get a lil rough with it. But the entire time? Personally I think all the pounding leads to keeping KY in the nightstand drawer if you know what I mean. My question is… Can you just take your time and marinate in it? Savor the moment? Be a bit more attentive and when it’s time to score that touchdown be able to do a dance in the end zone? I mean hell; in the NFL they get a first down every 10 yards changing up plays to achieve that so the same analogy can be used in making love. Surely a man can make love to a woman (not be in love to make love…that’s another blog) and after he’s done have her feel the effects of their artistry. I use that term because making love “is” an art, fcuking, well… I don’t know what you can call that other than what it is.
So JP wanted to know how to tell the other person that you need them to change up you know, be more attentive. I recalled my early 30’s and this Cougar, I believe she was about 54, mistaking that my rhythm having sped up abruptly meant that I was going to mm! too fast (LOL! She just didn’t know). Anyway, I recall her saying very sweet and soft, “Take your time baby, it’s gonna be here all night.” Then I recall a line from one of my favorite songs on Mary J’s first album. She starts out saying something similar… “Slow down baby the lovin ain’t goin nowhere!” She said that soft and sexy, if you’re at least in your 30’s I’m sure you’ve made love to that song a time or two. My point is it’s all in the presentation. If you’re trying to preserve the persons feelings which you should unless you are just ruthless and don’t care (some of us are or used to be) you should give it to them as to not destroy their ego. Now on the other hand if the two of you just don’t jive then there’s not a damn thing you can do about that other than just calling it off right then and there. I don’t see the need to prolong agony when both parties should be enjoying themselves.
So what I want to know from you guys is how you deal with this. What do you do when he/she is fcuking and you want to make love? How do you tell them to jump out of the Volkswagen and climb into your Mercedes?
Let’s Talk About It!
Doc!
So JP wanted to know how to tell the other person that you need them to change up you know, be more attentive. I recalled my early 30’s and this Cougar, I believe she was about 54, mistaking that my rhythm having sped up abruptly meant that I was going to mm! too fast (LOL! She just didn’t know). Anyway, I recall her saying very sweet and soft, “Take your time baby, it’s gonna be here all night.” Then I recall a line from one of my favorite songs on Mary J’s first album. She starts out saying something similar… “Slow down baby the lovin ain’t goin nowhere!” She said that soft and sexy, if you’re at least in your 30’s I’m sure you’ve made love to that song a time or two. My point is it’s all in the presentation. If you’re trying to preserve the persons feelings which you should unless you are just ruthless and don’t care (some of us are or used to be) you should give it to them as to not destroy their ego. Now on the other hand if the two of you just don’t jive then there’s not a damn thing you can do about that other than just calling it off right then and there. I don’t see the need to prolong agony when both parties should be enjoying themselves.
So what I want to know from you guys is how you deal with this. What do you do when he/she is fcuking and you want to make love? How do you tell them to jump out of the Volkswagen and climb into your Mercedes?
Let’s Talk About It!
Doc!
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