We Met At The Club...Now What?

As a result of a pilot talk show I did with Ayana Mack, local DJ here in Houston (www.ayanamack.com), I decided to blog about the topic of discussion. It was rather interesting with the panel of people we had and the differences of opinion. We were all over the place and ya’ll, I left there with a month’s worth of blogs to write so I’m just gonna get started.

You’re out with your friends and meet someone that you’re very attracted to…”physically”. The two of you manage to talk and of course there’s some mutual interest so you swap numbers. The lights come on and it’s time to go home, maybe you even locked lips before it was over which sent you over the top…..now what? What’s your next move? Do you go home with this man or do you go home and dream of him (you know what I mean).

Too often we go to clubs and encounter this situation. When you’re young you could find yourself going from bed to bed each weekend, each club you hit, being with a different person each weekend. Most men brag on this, unfortunately for men; we have this paradigm that the more women we’re with the better when in essence there needs to be a paradigm shift. The thought should be on the fewer women you’re with the more valuable you are to the woman you’ll spend the rest of your life with. But we tend to get caught up and realize what we’re doing much later in life. Women seem to have a change in thinking and have taken the role men have had for years and if they’re in the club feeling this guy and decided they want to go home with him they do. Are they in turn looked at as the more men they’re with the better? Of course not, that old double standard kicks in and the result is quite the opposite for the ladies that decide to go that route.

In most relationships the initial attraction is physical and rightfully so; I mean, we all want our piece of eye candy. There are those few times that people have met the love of their life in a club but it’s not that often. I don’t want to get into a debate about the type of people that club but for most men, we’re not going looking for love ladies. So do we rush home with this person? I would say it’s a bad idea. Think about it, when you get there at 2a.m. there isn’t much talking that’s going to take place. You end up rushing sex and it interferes with the relationship that you think you’re going to have. What do you truly know about this person? As Ayana stated, they could have a rap sheet as big as Texas. We all know about the “representative” people portray, everything you wanted to hear….you’re gonna hear. What do you do after the act?

If this person is someone of substance, there is no rush to jump in the bed. Personally I don’t believe there’s a time limit on when you should become intimate with a person but I do believe that there has to be something other than physical attraction there. I don’t see the harm in each of you going to your “own” home and spending a few hours on the phone talking in lieu of a few hours of intoxicated sex that you may regret the next day. What if you the sex was bad? If you got to know him first you could deal with that differently. Now this could be great guy is a loser because he couldn’t please you. Some of you may not be looking for love, you may just want a friend or someone to chill with? I can only say to you be careful and make wise decisions. Even in just having a friend there is still some learning of this person to be done. After all he will at some point come into your home. At some point in your life your views will change and you will learn to value you for whom you are and know that your body is a Temple. Remember we get out what we put into anything we do. In the end you can’t complain about how you were used or heartbroken when you enable someone to treat you in a certain way.

So let’s talk about it! How would you handle the situation? Would you go home with a man you just met in the club? Do you think you can find the love of your life in the club? How would you feel waking up next to a stranger (that’s what this person is)?

Thanks for the Luv,

Doc