Have you ever been in a relationship where you either had a disagreement with your partner or found out they did something to hurt your feelings? This is a common situation most couples find themselves in as we all know relationships are a work in progress and no matter how much love is present, things happen. In most cases we talk about the situation, however, because we do love the person we're with, we forgive them (depending on what they did) and continue forward.
But do we really forget what happened? The mistake we make is when we talk about what happened, we never work "through" the incident. Most of us say we forgive but there's a seed planted somewhere in our minds not necessarily intentionally, but it's there because we never came to an amicable conclusion so there's still doubt in our minds. The seed stays there because we failed to detach ourselves completely from the problem. We say we understand and forgive when we truly didn't get a clear understanding from one another. The doubt that created the situation lingers unresolved and we attempt to move forward anyway.
This is where we have to go back to communication, that essential element that keeps love going. It shouldn't matter how long it takes to get to the bottom of why whatever happened took place. Most times the guilty party will hold back the truth trying to preserve the feelings of their partner when in all actuality you're only making it worse. Then the person who's supposed to be understanding still has questions about what happened but for some unforeseen reason, still won't ask failing to get clarity.
That leaves room for issues because the next time something happens or you get mad, the old comes up and there's a snowball effect. Again, you have to work through the issue no matter how small. Never go to bed upset, never make your partner feel as though you're fine when in all actuality you're not. That could be another argument in itself because one of you thought the other was fine, now you're bringing up old stuff.
Work through your issues with an impartial state of mind. Find out why things occurred the way they did. We never want to believe this but perhaps it was something you did or failed to do, remember for every action is a reaction! Take responsibility for yours and fertilize your relationship with communication.
Doc!
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That is the TRUTH, The WHOLE TRUTH right there Doc,
ReplyDeleteWe are so busy trying to protect each others feelings we fail to realize just how it might hurt the relationship more by not communicating 100%. Some say women talk too much but at times its the little things that are not said the we need to look out for.
ReplyDeleteSapphire
I'm in total agreement
ReplyDeleteDonna
Due to the fact my 2 sons are at the age, and making big decisions in their life. I have spent a lot of time talking to their father lately, we have become the best of friends, and seem to respect and communicate like never before. When i think about the years before and the little we knew. We wanted each other to be a certain way, rather than excepting the way we were, and coming to a compromise. He admitted that he hated me traveling, but now says that he sees how much it makes me happy,and wished that he had been more supportive about it.
ReplyDeleteMy Question is, we worked through our differences enough to remain friends, but we had a common interest, and never really had anyone before to compare against. Do you think with newer relationships we get tired of trying, and clouded from past relationships and experiences , that we put a limit, on how much we give and express to our partner, i've heard people say 3 strikes and your out. ?????
Yes, I agree. When we as a couple can not get to the root of the problem, so that it totally dissipates, we will always reference the "last time". Opening up the floodgates of "here we go again".
ReplyDeleteGreat read, as usual, Robert.
Justice
Yes! what you saying is really true. When you say you trust someone. Don't say you do then your running around trying to see what you can find on the person. Don't say you love someone, but really you love what they do. Like paying the bills etc. You all know what i'm saying. But then when you ready to walk away this person wants to act crazy. I'm lost help me to understand this. luv doc..
ReplyDeleteYours truely , LOST